One year later...

Last year, it all began. The new mindset of wanting a relationship. I may never know where it came from; heart or mind, but I do know that it has been a painful year. With the next generation having their prom now, it brings up hard memories of the past, the current situation of the present, and the possible excitement and fear of the future.

It feels strange to have the next generation having their prom, when mine feel as if it was just yesterday. Feelings of numbness and confusion are overwhelming, but I feel as if I am maturing Lang with the growth of time. 

I wish the best to all those going to prom today, and hope they live their lives well. 

Building and destroying friendships: Is it really just life? Or something else?

It happens. You have a group of friends, and everything is awesome and amazing, and then someone says something that someone else doesn't agree with. People take sides or make someone an outcast, and then the entire group eventually breaks down.

Its life. Learn to cope with it; move on with your head raised to the sky. I will say, however, it does suck. You want to make things better and what not, but sometimes, things just happen and you need to move on to greater things.

Jealousy? Lust?

I know it is a random post and all, but I think after all this time, I have felt jealousy. When I look at the ones I love and want to be with, I feel the oddest sensation in my heart. I am happy to be there with them, yet feel farther than ever. It doesn't matter if they know your feelings or not, you see or hear them hanging out with others and your heart starts to beat in a pattern you are not used to. You long to be with them, but you are an electric car without a battery; you can not go anywhere with them. It is OK to be in the friend zone, you get used to it, but this new emotion of 'jealousy' is so hard to get rid of.

This also leads to lust. You really love the person, yet you also love their body. This is beautiful, yet it becomes a problem when you barely know the person, yet you love their body. This is setting yourself up to be hurt in the end. Unless you act from your heart, your eyes will probably get you no where.

In conclusion, just be yourself. The person who you are not with are missing out on the best thing in the world: YOU! Live your own life. While it is OK to feel lust (its natural, especially for us teens) just go wioth the flow of life, and don't let negative feelings control you.

Growing up - Its a trap

It really feels that way sometimes  Friends move away to schools, people have work; jobs, and the drama as well as the events in life start to take over.

Sometimes, I just want to tell my younger self to enjoy being young, but I must admit, being older does have its perks ;^)

Why am I so nice to people?

Sometimes, It feels like a curse. Being too nice makes me basically throw myself under a bus for another, or being almost instantly 'friend zoned. It sucks, and sometimes, it does feel like good guys finish last, but I don't change, because I know that I have to be myself.

I know for a fact that I have to 'grow a pair' and what not, but I know I shouldn't change who I am just for other people. I will continue to be myself, and you never know, one day...

What is love? Really?!

It feels like an impossible question to answer, yet it remains lingering on the mind.

Just like that Haddaway remix of "what is love..." really, what is it? Everyone seems to have their own answer. Scientists believe it is a mixture of hormones and chemicals in the brain, giving one the drive to mate, and stay with a certain individual. A more religious person such as a priest may tell you that love is god inside you, showing you your destiny, and who your true love is in gods plan. Between these two ideas, there are an infinite amount of other hypothesis's that try to explain the various waves of emotions that overtake the mind when you feel love.

I come to believe that only the individual can create their own idea on what love is, so I am going to try and share mine. To me, love is something absolutely beautiful. It might be hard to explain, but you just know it is love. As a young seventeen year-old, I don't believe I have felt the true feeling of love (besides my wonderful family) yet, I know it is somewhere out there. At times, it feels like love teases me, with couples kissing and snuggling in front of me all the time, yet I know that my turn to feel love is out there. Love isn't lust, yet the opposite. You may or may not also be attracted physically, but there is that underlying feeling that is hard to explain. It's when your heart wants to jump out of your body and scream to the world "I love you for being you!" It's when you feel happy, and you are meant to be happy; you know it.