Sucking at relationships: Poem

There you are, right in front of me. Your eyes, beautiful in colour, reflect the world in brilliant colours. You stand proud and tall, and are so very strong. You are smart, beautiful, caring, and brilliant. So many things that make you, you.

I love you, but I never have told you. To you, I am a friend, and a good friend at that. I help you out as you help me. We have laughs and share the good times and bad, and are there in battle together.

I don't know how to tell you; shall I play with this relationship? Shall I risk such a true friendship over a thought of love? What is love anyways? I yearn to tell you the truth. I tried once, but the timing was wrong, but since then, life has evolved, and we have both grown. I want to move away from the past and into the future. What do you say?

_____  ______, Will you go out with me?

Why is it so damn hard?

I want to ask her out, but I don't know how to. Is it fear? Confusion? I am not too sure of the answers that I seek. I know I have learned from the past to take a chance, but should I? Or have I learned anything in the first place? Why am I so confused and outright questioning myself? What shall I do?

One year later...

Last year, it all began. The new mindset of wanting a relationship. I may never know where it came from; heart or mind, but I do know that it has been a painful year. With the next generation having their prom now, it brings up hard memories of the past, the current situation of the present, and the possible excitement and fear of the future.

It feels strange to have the next generation having their prom, when mine feel as if it was just yesterday. Feelings of numbness and confusion are overwhelming, but I feel as if I am maturing Lang with the growth of time. 

I wish the best to all those going to prom today, and hope they live their lives well. 

Building and destroying friendships: Is it really just life? Or something else?

It happens. You have a group of friends, and everything is awesome and amazing, and then someone says something that someone else doesn't agree with. People take sides or make someone an outcast, and then the entire group eventually breaks down.

Its life. Learn to cope with it; move on with your head raised to the sky. I will say, however, it does suck. You want to make things better and what not, but sometimes, things just happen and you need to move on to greater things.

The Flower: One day

Oh, flower. How I love thee.

When I first set my eyes upon thou, my heart skipped a beat as I stared into your deep, deep eyes.
I was shy as I approached you for the first time; curious, yet not knowing what to expect. You are beautiful, beyond comparison. Your beautiful pedals, so full of life and colour as they draw me in. My nose goes crazy over your scent. I kneel to you. I introduce myself to you, and you to me. We are drawn closer to each other as my heart leaps out of my chest and into your delicate leafs. You gracefully rap your soft, delicate leafs around it and embrace it, yet are gentle with it. You care for it, with your kindness, integrity and empathy. You have me. I come in and you accept me. I feel your healthy, curvy stem; chemicals rushing through both of our bodies and into our brains like bullets.

Here I am, with you, and you with me. I hug you and you blossom as the sun warms you and creates an ever changing exchange of chemicals and messages throughout your body. You stand tall, proud, Smart, intelligent   and beautiful. Yet somehow, with all of this; all this beauty, you have a heart of solid gold. So many others have tried to mine that golden heart out of you; steal it with shovels, pickaxes, TNT and even diggers, but here you are, with my heart, and you giving me yours. How could I have such a perfect flower?

I awake from the dream, realizing that it is only the start of spring. There are no flowers outside in the garden yet. While the world may be currently dark, cold and alone for the moment due to winter passing by, the spring; summer is on its way. I shall wait. I have patience. I haven't met you yet, and you may only be a seed, or even a mere grain of sand right now, but soon, you will be that beautiful flower in my life, bringing beauty into my world. With all of my heart, I love you.

Until then, I shall live my life true, as I await for you.

Jealousy? Lust?

I know it is a random post and all, but I think after all this time, I have felt jealousy. When I look at the ones I love and want to be with, I feel the oddest sensation in my heart. I am happy to be there with them, yet feel farther than ever. It doesn't matter if they know your feelings or not, you see or hear them hanging out with others and your heart starts to beat in a pattern you are not used to. You long to be with them, but you are an electric car without a battery; you can not go anywhere with them. It is OK to be in the friend zone, you get used to it, but this new emotion of 'jealousy' is so hard to get rid of.

This also leads to lust. You really love the person, yet you also love their body. This is beautiful, yet it becomes a problem when you barely know the person, yet you love their body. This is setting yourself up to be hurt in the end. Unless you act from your heart, your eyes will probably get you no where.

In conclusion, just be yourself. The person who you are not with are missing out on the best thing in the world: YOU! Live your own life. While it is OK to feel lust (its natural, especially for us teens) just go wioth the flow of life, and don't let negative feelings control you.

The mysteries of the ins and outs...

Hmm, Life works in odd ways, does it not? When ones heart thinks that it has found something  an event causes the world to change and it you start all over again, where similar events take place again and again in one odd cycle.

As soon as you think you've mastered your heart, another person walks into your world, and then you begin to question if you really do know yourself like the way you claim to.