Sucking at relationships: Poem

There you are, right in front of me. Your eyes, beautiful in colour, reflect the world in brilliant colours. You stand proud and tall, and are so very strong. You are smart, beautiful, caring, and brilliant. So many things that make you, you.

I love you, but I never have told you. To you, I am a friend, and a good friend at that. I help you out as you help me. We have laughs and share the good times and bad, and are there in battle together.

I don't know how to tell you; shall I play with this relationship? Shall I risk such a true friendship over a thought of love? What is love anyways? I yearn to tell you the truth. I tried once, but the timing was wrong, but since then, life has evolved, and we have both grown. I want to move away from the past and into the future. What do you say?

_____  ______, Will you go out with me?

Why is it so damn hard?

I want to ask her out, but I don't know how to. Is it fear? Confusion? I am not too sure of the answers that I seek. I know I have learned from the past to take a chance, but should I? Or have I learned anything in the first place? Why am I so confused and outright questioning myself? What shall I do?

One year later...

Last year, it all began. The new mindset of wanting a relationship. I may never know where it came from; heart or mind, but I do know that it has been a painful year. With the next generation having their prom now, it brings up hard memories of the past, the current situation of the present, and the possible excitement and fear of the future.

It feels strange to have the next generation having their prom, when mine feel as if it was just yesterday. Feelings of numbness and confusion are overwhelming, but I feel as if I am maturing Lang with the growth of time. 

I wish the best to all those going to prom today, and hope they live their lives well. 

Building and destroying friendships: Is it really just life? Or something else?

It happens. You have a group of friends, and everything is awesome and amazing, and then someone says something that someone else doesn't agree with. People take sides or make someone an outcast, and then the entire group eventually breaks down.

Its life. Learn to cope with it; move on with your head raised to the sky. I will say, however, it does suck. You want to make things better and what not, but sometimes, things just happen and you need to move on to greater things.

The Flower: One day

Oh, flower. How I love thee.

When I first set my eyes upon thou, my heart skipped a beat as I stared into your deep, deep eyes.
I was shy as I approached you for the first time; curious, yet not knowing what to expect. You are beautiful, beyond comparison. Your beautiful pedals, so full of life and colour as they draw me in. My nose goes crazy over your scent. I kneel to you. I introduce myself to you, and you to me. We are drawn closer to each other as my heart leaps out of my chest and into your delicate leafs. You gracefully rap your soft, delicate leafs around it and embrace it, yet are gentle with it. You care for it, with your kindness, integrity and empathy. You have me. I come in and you accept me. I feel your healthy, curvy stem; chemicals rushing through both of our bodies and into our brains like bullets.

Here I am, with you, and you with me. I hug you and you blossom as the sun warms you and creates an ever changing exchange of chemicals and messages throughout your body. You stand tall, proud, Smart, intelligent   and beautiful. Yet somehow, with all of this; all this beauty, you have a heart of solid gold. So many others have tried to mine that golden heart out of you; steal it with shovels, pickaxes, TNT and even diggers, but here you are, with my heart, and you giving me yours. How could I have such a perfect flower?

I awake from the dream, realizing that it is only the start of spring. There are no flowers outside in the garden yet. While the world may be currently dark, cold and alone for the moment due to winter passing by, the spring; summer is on its way. I shall wait. I have patience. I haven't met you yet, and you may only be a seed, or even a mere grain of sand right now, but soon, you will be that beautiful flower in my life, bringing beauty into my world. With all of my heart, I love you.

Until then, I shall live my life true, as I await for you.

Jealousy? Lust?

I know it is a random post and all, but I think after all this time, I have felt jealousy. When I look at the ones I love and want to be with, I feel the oddest sensation in my heart. I am happy to be there with them, yet feel farther than ever. It doesn't matter if they know your feelings or not, you see or hear them hanging out with others and your heart starts to beat in a pattern you are not used to. You long to be with them, but you are an electric car without a battery; you can not go anywhere with them. It is OK to be in the friend zone, you get used to it, but this new emotion of 'jealousy' is so hard to get rid of.

This also leads to lust. You really love the person, yet you also love their body. This is beautiful, yet it becomes a problem when you barely know the person, yet you love their body. This is setting yourself up to be hurt in the end. Unless you act from your heart, your eyes will probably get you no where.

In conclusion, just be yourself. The person who you are not with are missing out on the best thing in the world: YOU! Live your own life. While it is OK to feel lust (its natural, especially for us teens) just go wioth the flow of life, and don't let negative feelings control you.

The mysteries of the ins and outs...

Hmm, Life works in odd ways, does it not? When ones heart thinks that it has found something  an event causes the world to change and it you start all over again, where similar events take place again and again in one odd cycle.

As soon as you think you've mastered your heart, another person walks into your world, and then you begin to question if you really do know yourself like the way you claim to.

WTF does drama in life exits (guys point of view) -PG rated rant

Honestly, why does the entire idea of "drama" even exist. I recently had one of my first "real" experiences of drama when a girl I knew became pissed off at me for no reason. I really don't understand why people would just create all of this "drama" for no reason, yet there has to be a reason. Is it for attention? solving personal problems? I could not answer those very questions, but I do know my opinion, and that is know it the fu*k off. Don't spend your precious time in life trying to mess up others friendships and lives. Just live your own life. If you have a problem, talk about it as an adult instead of getting all pissy and making rumors up, or just get out of my life. Its that simple. Everyone has their OWN life. Live yours.

Now, you never rally know what can be going on in the person's life. They could be having trouble at home, or some reminders of a hollow past, yet it is never too late to start a more positive future. Live in the present, cherish your life experiences and most importantly, cherish your friends; live your life.

Just take the first step... Blurb

In life, when one wishes to achieve a certain goal or idea, all they have to do is take one step. It doesn't matter if it is in health, wealth, social or a personal goal, every great journey must start from somewhere. From discovering North America, to landing on the moon, all journeys must being with that one thought; that one idea. The next, very important stage is acting on that idea. Don't let the dream die. After you have made the initial thought, hang onto it; believe it. Cherish it in your heart, and it will become your reality.

I am still alive!

Hey all! Sorry for the lack of posts, I am back. Life has been very "busy" but luckily, it has given me a LOT to write about!

Growing up - Its a trap

It really feels that way sometimes  Friends move away to schools, people have work; jobs, and the drama as well as the events in life start to take over.

Sometimes, I just want to tell my younger self to enjoy being young, but I must admit, being older does have its perks ;^)

Why am I so nice to people?

Sometimes, It feels like a curse. Being too nice makes me basically throw myself under a bus for another, or being almost instantly 'friend zoned. It sucks, and sometimes, it does feel like good guys finish last, but I don't change, because I know that I have to be myself.

I know for a fact that I have to 'grow a pair' and what not, but I know I shouldn't change who I am just for other people. I will continue to be myself, and you never know, one day...

Friend Zone: woop

Like Maverick in Top Gun and the 'Danger Zone' The friend zone can be one of 'those' places that can be nice, but also a curse.

Many people wonder how to avoid it, or even get out of it, but I personally don't see it that way anymore.  too used to think those thoughts "oh, how terrible is this! I want to 'be' with her, yet she only friend zones me!" With time, I guess I've just learned to loose that kind of thinking? If a girl or guy friend zones you, its because they DO like you, but as a friend! Sometimes, you are just needed as a friend, plus they probably don't have the same lovey-dovey feelings for you, so why wait for someone who doesn't share the same feelings? Just accept it, and understand that there is something even BETTER out there for ya!

Alone

It feels very sad

       The other half not yet here

                Wish it was here now

What is love? Really?!

It feels like an impossible question to answer, yet it remains lingering on the mind.

Just like that Haddaway remix of "what is love..." really, what is it? Everyone seems to have their own answer. Scientists believe it is a mixture of hormones and chemicals in the brain, giving one the drive to mate, and stay with a certain individual. A more religious person such as a priest may tell you that love is god inside you, showing you your destiny, and who your true love is in gods plan. Between these two ideas, there are an infinite amount of other hypothesis's that try to explain the various waves of emotions that overtake the mind when you feel love.

I come to believe that only the individual can create their own idea on what love is, so I am going to try and share mine. To me, love is something absolutely beautiful. It might be hard to explain, but you just know it is love. As a young seventeen year-old, I don't believe I have felt the true feeling of love (besides my wonderful family) yet, I know it is somewhere out there. At times, it feels like love teases me, with couples kissing and snuggling in front of me all the time, yet I know that my turn to feel love is out there. Love isn't lust, yet the opposite. You may or may not also be attracted physically, but there is that underlying feeling that is hard to explain. It's when your heart wants to jump out of your body and scream to the world "I love you for being you!" It's when you feel happy, and you are meant to be happy; you know it.

The First Crush Never Really Goes Away...

Its hard. It really is, especially when you still have to learn to move on and try to forget the past. The problem is, I'm not sure if I want to forget it. I still see her pictures, and what she does, etc... And I still have that yearning to be by her side, knowing that she probably hasn't thought of me for almost a year. It hurts, but life goes on.

Never forget your friends.

Very wise words. You never know when you will need them. With that being said, you never really do know who your TRUE friends are until you are in the position when you need them the most. Always love your friends, and they will return the love tenfold.

Gender: What is it?

The human experience seems to always be divided into two separate "sides." You always have light and dark, day and night, good and evil, love and hate, and of course: male and female. I just find gender an interesting topic to discuss due to how much it actually effects the lives of every human being, yet it is something that it is never really talked about in depth because it can sometimes feel like a "social taboo."

It doesn't matter if you are male, female or anything in between, you are a human being. One of the most amazing things about being a human being is the idea of diversity. We would never survive without it, both physically, and spiritually. No one is better at being you than you.

Today, society has created three different categories of gender: male, female and other. Both the male and female genders are completely based biologically, yet the third category: other, which includes transsexuals, etc... Is not based biologically, but on a sense of self-thoughts.

Men and women are different biologically due to evolution of the human species. In religious texts, females were created by a rib of man, yet all stories point to there being a clear boundary of what a male and female are. Men crave woman, and woman crave men and both reproduce. Other couples such as those that are gay, surround others with happiness.

Is there any shame in a woman wanting to be a man for a day, or a man a woman? I believe no. In the matter of fact, I think that it is a beautiful idea, which could encourage tolerance, and a new sacred bond between the genders.

In the end, we will always need two half's to make a whole, but that is also the beauty of life.

Please answer: Why?

The one question on my mind is why. Why would you, after all this time; after all the good memories and gifts, would you just throw our friendship out the window, and accuse me of something I never did, and sick your boyfriend on me? Why?

When I first met you, you were somewhat alone, yet beautifully innocent. You were new to our country, and I showed you kindness and loved you when others did not. Why then, did you forget this act of selflessness? Why?

I then introduced you to much of our country, I even introduced you to many new things and experiences. We both laughed, smiled and had fun. The wind full of our laughter. Yet you simply let these memories drift away in the wind. Why?

I introduced you to a new, loving group of friends, and together, we all went out to lunch, had good times, and created many good memories and pictures that will never leave, yet you somehow forgot about these too. Why?

You got a boyfriend. I was really happy for you. I gave you guys space, respect for both of you, and my blessing as a friend. I even put a fake smile on my face for when you both kissed in front of me. But you threw all of this out the window. Why?

I shared all of my feelings with you. You knew my feelings for you, and we helped each other in tough times, but you block these memories. Why?

Here I am now, broken on the floor and cornered. You blamed me for saying something I never did. I have witnesses, my self-confidence and a thousand other things to prove I am in the right, yet you don’t believe me, after all we have done, you avoid me, you are afraid of me, you hate me. To you, I am a disease; a plague. I am your worst nightmares come true. You never look me in the eyes. Even our mutual friends want to talk to you about how I am innocent, yet you ignore them as well as my thoughts. It is unfair, and evil. You drown me in my own thoughts, and silence my soul. As you abandon me and you friends for your new life with your boyfriend, your world, I can only ask you one question from my heart. It is the only question I can fathom to believe in any more. The only thing on my mind, moon after moon after moon. Why?

Advice to girls wanting to ask guys out ;^)

Before I say anything, I just want to say good for you! "You've got balls!" Seriously though, I really am proud of you if your a girl asking a guy out. It takes courage to go against all of these "societal conventions" that it "has" to be the guy asking the girl out. It honestly doesn't matter who you love, and who asks the other out. If you love someone, be honest with both YOURSELF and them (notice I said YOU first). Here is a few quick pointers from both Males and Females, and personal thoughts from me about girls asking out a dude. Once again, I am NOT a professional, so you should really just follow your heart. Good luck! Cheers! :^)

1. Be Yourself: If a guy doesn't like who you really are, he doesn't deserve you. You are a beautiful person, and deserve the best dude out there! If you are acting like you, you will attract events and people that are also like you! It's literally that simple. Show the world that amazing YOU!
2. Communicate: Guys aren't as good as communicating their feelings as girls are (in general) so be clear on how you are feeling. Guys can sometimes become confused, and can think you are sending the wrong signals such as leading on, or something else. Men are not mind readers, yet neither are you. Keep good communication open between the both of you. How else could he know if you don't like something? 
3. Don't fall into peer or BF pressure: You are a remarkable person. In the matter of fact, the ONLY person that is worthy of controlling your life is YOU! Remember, this is YOUR life your living, and no one else's. That being said, if your boyfriend wants to do something, don't do it just because of him, do it because you trust him with trying something new, or you want to do it as well. Live your own life.
4. Your beautiful: You are an amazing, fantastic individual! LOVE WHO YOU ARE! You are frigging awesome, and the world hopefully knows that too! It doesn't matter what shape, or size, or religion  or colour, or.. WHATEVER! You are YOU! And I think THAT is pretty cool! ;^)
5. Have Fun!: Relationships should be a fun experience, enjoy it!
6. It's OK to make mistakes: As a teen, we are still learning how to handle, well, life! It's OK to mistakes, just make sure you LEARN from them, 
7. Learn to move on: If he says no, or dumps you, do yourself a favor and MOVE ON. From personal experience, kit does no good for you to dwell in the past and think about the "What if's." Live you life, you never know what could be around the corner! :^)
8. It's OK to be single: I know, it probably sounds stupid, especially to me, but it really is OK to be single. This is an excellent time to do things that YOU want to do, and plus you get to save a little bit of money ;^) 
9. Have "Me" time: Remember, the happiest couples are couples that give each other personal time. This includes not being "clingy" with texts, phone calls, etc.. By all means, its awesome to communicate with each other, just make sure you have some time apart with yourself, other friends, family, hobbies, etc... 
10. Honesty: Be honest with both YOURSELF and HIM! Ask him out, be honest! Remember to respect him, and make sure he respects you. If you like, or don't like something  don't play any guessing games, and please just let him know!

Advice to guys wanting to ask girls out ;^)

So, I've got some advice after asking both males and females, as well as looking into my own personal experiences. Here is a helpful list of a few things that may help you asking out that pretty girl who has stolen your heart. ;^) I am NOT a professional, so just follow your heart, alright? Cheers!

1. Know her: OK,  before you ask that girl out, make sure you KNOW HER first. Ask some mutual friends and see what she's into. Knowing what she's into can help you see if your compatible  and can help make it easier for you to break the ice and make a conversation with her. 
2. Be yourself: NEVER change how you are for another person. If you like music, and they hate music, don't start hating music because of her. Being YOU is the best thing you are at, and you should always make sure to love yourself before you love another. Act natural! Just laugh, have fun and enjoy the things you love to enjoy. Remember, like attracts like, so if you are in situations all the time that you live, such as Swimming, you might meet your future girlfriend in a pool. Plus, if you are honest about yourself, it makes getting a LOT more easier (not that I would know.)
3. Love yourself before another: They say you can never love another until you love yourself. and this is true. If YOU don't love yourself, how is a girl suppose to love YOU. Find time to love yourself, and see how cool of a person you really are! LOVE YOURSELF! You are the only person in the world that can love yourself, no one can love you for you. Once you love who you are, your self-confidence will also rise, and it will be easier, and more enjoyable to find that special someone!
4. Be Honest: Don't go all crazy when asking her out, just be honest and in a non-awkward situation (Don't ask her out in front of other people or friends) Just find some time where you can ask her out for a coffee or a walk or something! 
5. Don't be CLINGY!: OK, probably the MOST POPULAR WITH GIRLS that I have talked to is that they don't want their boyfriend to be clingy. Basically, don't always be texting/phoning her. Couples need room! Give her some! A healthy relationship with couples includes away time from each other  Learn to live your OWN life, not hers. Once again, everyone is different, but just adjust to your partners needs.
6. Go at her pace: OK, guys, we know we all love the bodies of girls, etc... DON'T make her feel uncomfortable. It is reported by a few servery s that people are losing their virginity around the ages 18-28. It's your decision as a couple if you want to risk sex. It can be rewarding, but one must remember the consequences of friendships, disease or even having a child. do NOT force her into anything, or you may be facing an awkward no, or in a more serious case: a police charge. 
7. Have Fun!: Relationships should be a fun experience, enjoy it!
8. It's OK to make mistakes: As a teen, we are still learning how to handle, well, life! It's ok to mistakes, just make sure you LEARN from them, 
9. Learn to move on: If she says no, or dumps you, do yourself a favor and MOVE ON. From personal experience, kit does no good for you to dwell in the past and think about the "What if's." Live you life, you never know what could be around the corner! :^)
10. It's OK to be single: I know, it probably sounds stupid, especially to me, but it really is OK to be single. This is an excellent time to do things that YOU want to do, and plus you get to save a little bit of money ;^) 

The future

Who am I? What will I be?
When I leave into the world, when I leave my family,
The sun rises on a brand new day,
Yet I cannot see the shore of the other side of the bay,

What will I do? What will I become?
Schools, Careers and jobs,
Unknown for me,
Where will this confusion stop?

Sometimes an adventure, and sometimes a curse,
Where will the wheel stop? No one knows,
Even my heart is in confusion,
And as well, my soul,

Yesterday is the past, tomorrow the future,
One cannot control either, so live today: the present,
Forget about the venom, the addiction of lies,
Live your life today, and the rest will just fly!

Is it possible to be to nice? -Opinion

Yes. After asking multiple girls, guys and even looking into myself, being too nice is defiantly an issue when seeking a relationship.

With that being said, don't change who you are! If you are a nice person (like me) then just be yourself! Why pretend to be someone you arn't? Sure, many girls like "bad boys" but that is because they show an amazing amount of confidence. So basically, remember to stand up for what you believe in, and you should be alright ;^)

My experience thus far with Love and relationships

It really is an "over complicate" story for me. So far, I feel as if I have been teased by love. In grade 12, I had my first crush. When prom came around, I was stupid and never asked her out. We both went alone, and the same with after prom (we both stayed in the same cabin too.) When I finally shared my feelings with her, being totally honest and asking her out, it was too late. I had to go to my DND course, and she was getting ready for university. to this day, I still feel the pain and sadness from not asking her. I let myself down, and I can't forgive myself for that.

In my victory lap in high school, I thought I finally got over the hardness of love when i fell for someone else. We were both in the same club and everything. This time, I would consult my friends about love before I asked her out. Just when I was about to open my mouth, one of my closest friends said that HE loved her and was about to ask her out. All my friends supported him, and I made another stupid move: I didn't say anything. For the next few months, I died inside as I watched him and her both "try it." When it didn't work out, I was honest with both of them, and felt like I missed the train, again.

I then had a few smaller "sorties" after that, asking a few friends out here and there. Still, no success. They would always give an excuse, such as: Oh, i'm to busy" or "Your not my type" or "I'm interested in someone else" and many, many other statements.

Most recently, I asked my one new friend out. She was literally the girl of my dreams. Kind, beautiful, from another place and had that "passion" for life. Just before I was going to causally ask her out, she began to rant on how "[she] didn't believe in relationships" and how "[she doesn't] want a relationship and [doesn't] have the time" and so on. This discouraged me, so stupid me, I didn't even try and backed off. next week, I find out that she is on her fifth date with another person. Am I doing something wrong?

There's been a few more things here and there, and most recently, I thought I could ask this other friend of mine out, but it wouldn't work. I don't know anymore.

I know I am young, and there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I just honestly don't know what to do anymore. Love sucks... Everyone I know or have even heard of me always says that "You are the nicest, funnest and bestest dude ever!" and "Whoever you date is one lucky gal!" but then why hasn't anything happened? Meh, I am 18 and about to go off to Uni/college. I guess we will have to see where life goes.

Free bird - The free bird, flying alone (Adult content)

Being alone is probably the worst feeling for a human to feel. Your world seems to be a dark place with no point of going forward. You begin to think that you are the problem, or that you are doing something wrong. You've tried for over a year now with a few different people, but are denied the feeling of being loved back. You are just another friend. You drown in your thoughts as you write your emotions down on paper, because it is you way of screaming to the world "I want to be loved back!" and just like a horror movie, no one can hear you scream.

There are beautiful people, everywhere. You are known among everyone as a kind, responsible, loyal and loving friend. But you are only a friend. You want to try be something more and try to be in a relationship. It's grade thirteen, and your getting ready for post secondary, and you have NEVER been in a relationship before, never dated and never got your first kiss. You feel like you've missed out on life, so you start trying and trying to find love. You start to try so hard that you start to break. People start asking others to their prom, and this reminds you of all the horrible, dark, and scarring memories that started this loveless mess in the first place. You were not strong. As a friend, you still help your friends ask others out to prom, and dates. You love them, but you let them run over you. You feel like you opinion doesn't matter, why should it? This is the love of their life and you are their friend,. so you should help them. You are a carpet. You let people step all over you and stomp you into the fucking Ground.You are garbage. You ask yourself, with your mighty self esteem issues, why the fuck do you get up in the morning. You are just going to feel the same crappy emotions at the end of the day. It is because you are Naive, young and have the demoniacal emotion called Hope. You have faith in a better future. You think you deserve to be happy; you always get up and out of your bed the same way. You go into the world, and  see you friends cuddling, laughing, kissing each other and enjoying their lives and you feel stuck on the outside; no you don't give up, you put on a mask and you go out anyways and you pretend to be alright and hid your real emotions from the world. You feel alone.

Why can't you be loved? You have amazing friends and family, and a great reputation with everyone that has ever heard your name. You have achieved so many large goals! You are healthy, you live in the wonderful country of Canada with a roof over your head, yet you feel strange. You feel numb. why?

Is it you? Everyone says you are not their type, or they are with someone else, or they just have too much school, or are leaving for school and don't want to complicate things, or don't believe in relationships, then the next day, they are out smooching on another guy's face. Out of the entire world, you have given so much kindness, gifts, help, and love, but what the hell is going wrong?

You go to bed as usual, and think of your past, present and future. So many times, have you been teased by love. Not asking her out, asking too late, not being yourself, letting others go ahead of you, feeling or being "stupid" and people claiming "don't worry, there are many fish in the sea, and maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. She's out there somewhere." Why can't you get anyone? I know I ask the question: "Is it me?"

I no longer know what to do. I don't know what to say, or even believe in anymore. The once sparkling, pure ponds of my heart and soul are now murky, foggy waters of lost hope and lost loves. Why? Am I even ready to love? And if not, what makes me ready? I am still young...

Welcome

Hello! this is my first post here! On this blog, I will be basically sharing more "in depth" opinions and stories. I wish to remain anonymous due to me wanting to eventually getting a job, and not wanting my bosses to creep me online. I truly hope you enjoy your stay, and thank you so much for reading. You are AWESOME!

-The Passionate Pilot ;^)